Survivor Tips, Safety Ideas, Poetry from survivors, Everyday Tid bits on managing everyday.
Thank you taking the time to read and comment and if you have a blog Idea or information you would like to see written about let us know.
|Posted on August 2, 2016 at 3:50 AM||comments (0)|
Have you ever asked; Why do they stay? Why have they gone back again and again?
In the next four posts I will attempt to answer your questions.
The tendency to insert ideal solutions as "options" leaves out the reality of danger, fear, and knowledge leaving an abuser is the deadlist decision the abuseed will make.
Many have heard the "they are going to go to counseling, I don't want to be divorced, They will take my children, I have no money, I have nothing, It's my bed I have to lie in it" and list goes on. Leaving our family and friends to give the abuser exactly what they want, for their to only be them in the life of our loved ones.
Caring and watching a loved one be abused is as awful as watching a loved one addicted to drugs and alcohol. And just like the addicted unfortunately it is when the abused is tired enough or in many cases death, do they find the courage to not just get out -- the courage to stay out and want to keep from being in abusive relationships.
It is proven adult domestic violence victims 100% of them to date have witnessed, experienced or been abused as children. When healing from domestic violence it is an entire family process. Just like the addict, not everyone in the family is willing to participate, friends become hostile because they can not believe "we are judging them now" and learning healthy boundries for family and friends is an entirity event. As survivors we learn that not just our intimate partner has abused us, we have tolerated abusive behavior most of our lives, we have engaged in choices out of the need of acceptance, fear and learned helplessness (Co-depency). Moving forward to a thriving healthy life is a layer by layer challenge that when reached is a FREEDOM like no other. No matter what country we live in because it is not about the land we live on it is about our dignity, human right to ourselves taken back and self-love that gives us our Freedom.
Unlike the addict; the abuser wins when we walk away from our loved ones. Isolation is their grandest asset. Reach out to community resources and learn how to safety plan, learn what resources are available for your loved one for when they are ready to leave or are brutalized again, and remind them they are worth a life free of fear.
|Posted on July 22, 2016 at 5:35 PM||comments (0)|
Fight for Your Soul
to thrive or contrive the need for a want
Everyone is watching
and no one notices
that I've begun my barter
No one but I is bartering for reasons
to live, to forgive or give validity to live
just one more moment.
I am to believe
being alive is not without reason.
I am not replaceable, so "they say"
These racing memories, voices ringing of my worthlessness
Suicide's Barter is guaranteeing those will end, forever.
I am to believe for another moment
my presence is unique
I'm to survive to thrive and give myself endurance
in the heart of self-forgiveness
my gun is loaded and pills are ready to swallow.
I'm bartering with reason
that I'm to believe, I'm loved, BY WHO?
I'm supposed to dig for purpose, reason that
the cruelty I've endured is survivable.
Suicide is bartering to drive
all I want is for this unwanted, endless chaos of contemplation
with my self-worth to end its teeter totter with my soul.
My silence is screaming to deaf ears,
no one notices; but it is I
who must find the barters value to live, to survive, to believe
my value is more than the cruelty I've endured.
Today suicide is offering a bargain,
how did my life become so cheap? My life is whispering.
"there is only one of me"
I'm reasoning for reasons.
My laughter is like no other, my integrity is my own,
this is my life, my breath and my body.
Suicide, today I have no barter for your bargain,
my life, it has just been reasoned, is not a discount to be had at your
second hand store of self-inflicted death.
Today, I’ll live to survive, to find reason to thrive
to give my life's breath my uniqueness to live for
one more day.
Today, I Live.